I've Got Sand In All the Wrong Places by Lisa Scottoline

Author:Lisa Scottoline
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781466865259
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Spaghetti and Salad

Lisa

They say you should never talk about politics or religion.

But these days, politics is religion.

And I think that’s a wonderful thing.

This way, instead of not talking about two things separately, you can not talk about two things together.

This is much more efficient.

It’s like if you were going to have dinner of spaghetti and salad. In the old days, we ate them separately, but these days, we mix the spaghetti and the salad together and eat them that way.

Doesn’t that sound delicious?

Isn’t that better?

This way, we’re doing two things at once, and we all know that that always yields better results.

Except when you’re driving.

The one thing we all agree on is that drinking and driving is not for the betterment of society.

Neither is texting and driving.

Or talking on the phone and driving.

Or doing anything else but driving while you’re driving, but nevertheless, people do this every day.

We love to combine things.

That’s how we roll.

Usually we’re rolling into a divider, but never mind that right now.

It’s interesting to contrast today with the way things used to be. Because if you look back, history didn’t combine things the way we do.

For example, our forefathers did not see the wisdom in combining things. They were old-fashioned that way, and I’m sure they didn’t eat spaghetti and salad together.

They didn’t think politics and religion should be combined, and in fact they wrote that down on a piece of paper, like a Things To Do List for America.

One of the items on the list was to Keep Church and State Separate.

But what did they know?

And who does everything on their Things To Do List?

Overachievers.

Obviously, we’ve improved on that separation-of-church-and-state nonsense this political season, when the first thing every politician tells you is which God he believes in, how much harder he believes in his God than the other politicians, and which God qualifies you to be the best politician.

Good to know.

By the way, just so we’re clear, both Democrats and Republicans do this.

Which is all for the better.

It makes politics a lot easier for everyone.

Because then you can just choose the guy who’s on the same team you are and that saves the politician the time of thinking up anything good for the country.

(Or you.)

And it also saves the politician the time he’d spend talking about the economy, unemployment, war, education, health care, and other issues that are totally boring.

I myself am going to vote for the most religious politician I can find. He should wave a Bible in each hand and balance one on his head at the same time that he recites from one.

In fact, if he could juggle Bibles, he should be president.

Automatically.

That’s my religious test.

Who can juggle the most Bibles?

Anyway, in the midst of these extremely pious politicians comes Pope Francis, a bona fide religious leader.

And he didn’t even talk about religion.

True, he talked about God, but he didn’t speak only to his team, and he talked to people who don’t believe in God at all.

Can you think of a

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